Tuesday, November 22, 2005

JOHN HOWARD'S NEW ANTI-TERROR LEGISLATION

As Johnny paraded through the streets, Mohammed Kahashish, a regular middle eastern bloke, was on his way to his nearby Lebanese bakery to get some mana-ish, which is a delicious herb-bread.

"I'm so content," Mohammed thought. "Nothing could go wrong today."

Little did he know, those were the exact words uttered by Julius Caesar: Contentus Todaius Maximus Non Fuxium, just before a disease-ridden whore entered his tent.

As he approached the shop, John Howard jumped out from behind a nearby bush, looking not dissimilar to a midget doing the Timewarp. Johnny said, "Halt! Who goes there? Friend or enemy of the Commonwealth?"

Shocked by the insane man's appearance and breath, Mohammed held his hands in front of his eyes and said, "Easy, man. I ain't done nothin'."

His sudden movements frightened nearby police, who instantly shot him in the head six times. The Commissioner would later attest that Mohammed was armed, stating: "He had two eyes. This means he was equally as capable of sight as a normal white skinned person, ergo he would be able to commit acts of terror. All non-whites with two eyes are capable of this. Therefore he had to be terminated. If he had one eye, he would be visually impaired, and unable to instigate terrorist activities."

"Don't you think that's a little bit prejudiced?" the defence attorney had asked at the trial.

The police chief proceeded to calmly shoot him in the head 6 times. Without batting an eyelid, he resumed the trial, staring the judge squarely in the eye. The crowd looked on in stunned silence.

"I will not have anyone imply that a white non-visually impaired person is capable of terrorism. Is that clear?"

Nobody moved. Paralysed by fear and confusion, they were unable to answer.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, Kim Beazley waddled into the courtroom, explosives strapped to his chest. Words stumbled out of his mouth, barely coherent, as he began to explain the dire situation.

1 Comments:

Blogger Chris Benjamin said...

I can only wish I was in on this one - fine work my friends.

4:45 AM  

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