THE BEGINNING
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
And God said, "my pancreas is itchy." Hearing this, the heavenly hosts started to undress themselves and play naked Twister.
Meanwhile, rumours about God's ineptitude were appearing in the gutter press just as Bricktop was about to dribble all over Asia, which was the size of a Monopoly Hotel piece. Bricktop's viscid drool dangled precariously above the earth like a viscous meteor, but Fat Albert's gravitational pull sucked Asia away towards the stratosphere. It was inconceivable that Asia would escape without a plague of locusts descending upon the Nation's firstborn sons, so it was no surprise that Asia's veritable jungles were keen to neutralise the situation.
Donning their green robes, the Nation's firstborn sons prayed to the Royal Order of Locust Hunters, who were unfortunately out of office at the time. So instead, they decided they would petition George Bush for live ammunition and clogs. George proceeded to phone Charlton Heston, vice president of the NRA, and requested that he immediately die.
"Send clogs to the Moroccan sledge hammerers dressed in that Ben-Hur costume!" George vented as he slammed down the telephone.
Charlton scratched his temple and hoped there would be more. Only time would tell.
Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
And God said, "my pancreas is itchy." Hearing this, the heavenly hosts started to undress themselves and play naked Twister.
Meanwhile, rumours about God's ineptitude were appearing in the gutter press just as Bricktop was about to dribble all over Asia, which was the size of a Monopoly Hotel piece. Bricktop's viscid drool dangled precariously above the earth like a viscous meteor, but Fat Albert's gravitational pull sucked Asia away towards the stratosphere. It was inconceivable that Asia would escape without a plague of locusts descending upon the Nation's firstborn sons, so it was no surprise that Asia's veritable jungles were keen to neutralise the situation.
Donning their green robes, the Nation's firstborn sons prayed to the Royal Order of Locust Hunters, who were unfortunately out of office at the time. So instead, they decided they would petition George Bush for live ammunition and clogs. George proceeded to phone Charlton Heston, vice president of the NRA, and requested that he immediately die.
"Send clogs to the Moroccan sledge hammerers dressed in that Ben-Hur costume!" George vented as he slammed down the telephone.
Charlton scratched his temple and hoped there would be more. Only time would tell.
posted by Anonymous at 12:54 PM
13 Comments:
Horny, was I supposed to leave in your bracketed name?
nah.
C'mon dudes, pick it up. I'm waiting to see what happens next.
This is new translation of the bible, right?
Why are everyones names in the story?
Surely the last person to post should remove the previous persons name and enter their own?
For readability sake.frmc
I'm gonna Have to agree (BT3) with Muley on this one (BT3).
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Hey goons,
I can't "edit" posts - I don't believe I have admin status either (since some options are greyed out for me).
Can someone with admin check my settings and make sure I have rights to edit posts? At the moment, I can only view the draft posts, etc, and nothing else.
Thanks! :)
This is a great blog! Finally something novel and original that isn't porn related. My faith in the internet and blogs has been restored. I thank you.
naw you got it all wrong, here's what really happened:
In the beginning there was nothing. Lots and lots of nothing. Then one day a voice rose from the great nothingness singing: "Head and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes, head and shoulders, knees and toes, I am God, bow and say: Whoa!" and then appeared God and the universe, simultaneously, in the first and most impressive piece of creativity of all time.
God had the head of a horse, two crocodile shoulders, a big set of spider knees, eight dodo toes, the gills of a dogfish, and a short layer of fungus from head to toes. Contrary to popular belief, God did not look like a man; nor did God look like a woman. God did not even have genitalia.
[For the full story see http://www.potluck.com/offerings/creationstory.shtml.]
That can't be right. If God didn't have genitalia how did he keep himself entertained?
well, on the sixth day, God created Adam.
and the rest is history.
Reminds me of Dogma every time I hear lack of genitalia.
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